I routinely disappoint myself.
After all the lessons I’ve learned and the blessings I’ve received, I should be better at heeding my own advice in a consistent manner. But I’m human and so I’m flawed. To move on, I need to accept my “human-ness.”
A while back I contracted a strange virus. No cold or flu symptoms—but it knocked me down and kept me in bed for about two weeks. My brain acted as if it’d been drugged. My behavior grew nasty and angry. My eyes pulsed with pain, giving me severe light sensitivity to the point I thought I’d pass out.
Did I hold my trust in God and recognize this was a growth opportunity? Of course not!
Emotionally, I spiraled down to the dark place I’d been when I suffered from Chronic Fatigue Syndrome years ago. I started to convince myself that I would be sick with this bug for years.
What happened to my faith?
God had healed me years before. Why didn’t I just pray and allow God’s peace to permeate my being instead of miring myself in the fear of ill health?
Sure, there were times where I did look heavenward. I trusted God had a purpose and that I would be seen through this trial. But the majority of time I didn’t. I cursed, feeling forsaken and wanting to give up…just after a week!
I cannot be strong 24 hours a day, seven days a week.
But I can build my awareness. To acknowledge that darkness creeping into my psyche and catch it before it takes root into my being, its tendrils suffocating my outlook and impacting my faith. By staying unaware, I risk internalizing the negativity and, in a way, giving it power over me in the form of “I’m not good enough.” This results in blaming myself for the bad that happens to me, because on some level I believe I’ve deserved it. But I don’t.
Or, I can accept my humanity by forgiving myself. Only then, can I re-center and reclaim the light.
While the Holy Spirit resides in me and I have access to God’s encompassing power—as Jesus taught, we can move mountains—I am not God. Therefore, I will never be perfect. I can, however, minimize episodes where I berate myself and work to calm the situation.
Know you are loved, even with your flaws.
We’re creations of the Highest of All Powers. Know that everything good and lovely is possible in your life. Embrace your humanity. Strive to be your best, but realize that perfection is unattainable.
I believe we are supposed to work continually on our growth. So release the negativity and embrace the fact that you’re a child of God and are perfect enough.